The Ugly-Beautiful of Our Life Together

When I think about adoption, the idea of the ugly-beautiful seems to describe my feelings. I think I first began to think about this term when I read One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  Some of the ugly things related to adoption are obvious at a glance. There is nothing pretty about a baby being left alone under a bridge. Nothing attractive about nine years spent without a family. Having five living situations before nineteen months of age is ugly.

There was also beauty in their lives before us. Each of our three children from hard places had loving foster care for part of their lives. Each of them had parents who gave them life. Each of them was listed for adoption. Their Father was watching over them before we knew about them.

Now that we are home, we are finding each day filled with ugly-beautiful realties. The beautiful things include seeing six little faces waiting for breakfast each morning. An unsolicited hug. Happy giggles as the children explore the deck and back yard. "Shank you, mommy,"(there is no "th" sound in Chinese.) And little language lessons exchanged back and forth. Meeting Isaac's friend from his foster home in China who has been home for about a year. Seeing the boys baptized and watching our church family embrace them with open arms. Spending time with our parents as they serve us selflessly and get to know their new grandsons. Watching the boys experience new things like frozen yogurt and water color paints. 

The ugly is always present as well. Hard moments when tears cannot be held back. Frustration when communication doesn't happen. Challenges to discipline with limited common language. Struggles in self-regulation when there is is sensory overload due to so many new experiences. Fights over toys between children whose survival instinct is strong. Blood draws, immunizations, and multiple doctor appointments. New and frightening diagnosis. Older siblings struggling with the new family dynamic. Little ones fighting over my lap and attention. So many unknowns concerning their past lives.  Grief for the years we did not share. Sadness when we think about their birth parents.

It would be overwhelming if we had to walk this journey alone. It is our trust in God that gives us hope. He is our Redeemer. He lived the ugly-beautiful perfectly. Coming from perfect beauty, He clothed Himself with humanity and walked on our soil. Our dirt on His feet. Our hatred poured out upon Him. Our sins overwhelming Him on the cross. Yet, the salvation that He achieved for us...Oh how beautiful! One day the ugly will be swallowed up in beautiful and we will see Him face-to-face. We place our hope and trust in Him knowing that He can work to use the ugly for our good and His glory. He takes the hard things and uses them to mold and shape each of us into His image. He didn't promise an easy road. But He promised never to leave us or forsake us. So we walk in faith and hope. We trust that each day's ugly-beautiful will be useful in His hands. He lived it for us and we are privileged to catch a glimpse of His beauty as we walk this journey after Him.